so after Larry put me back on the right track, i think the esc32 is back in the game
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i take these 13.7A that the manufacture of the motor has written in his data sheet as a given size that i have to use in calibration. in fact that was the completely wrong starting point, and i restarted from scratch.
first i measure the current at full throttle. the result is around 9A not 13A. so i set the esc32 to default settings and calibrate it with 8A, after that i set max current to 8A and motorpoles to 24 and that's it. i have done a lot of tests on my workbench now, and it looks good. i put the throttle channel of my tx to a switch, so i can go from 0% to 100% throttle in no time, and even that wont make the motor stop. as soon as i have time i will continue testing and fly under full load.